sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
