im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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