She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
