Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
