Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
