I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
