hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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