I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
