can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
