He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
