what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
