I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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