you traded sex for a burrito?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
