After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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