ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
this is an emotional support booty call
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
