i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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