I cannot find my penis.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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