At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
