tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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