I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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