you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
