After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
