cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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