that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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