He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
