I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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