be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
