I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
