Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
