I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
