I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
