last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize