Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Randomize
