I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
