I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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