Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
