Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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