from now on my penis is your penis
I faked an abortion last night.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
