Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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