he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
