She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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