I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
