I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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