I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He kissed a someone with a penis
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
