i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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