Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
