there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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