I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it's like heaven, but drunker
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
