Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Small penises have feelings too.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
