I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
