oh god the rape fog is back!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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