Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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