Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
