You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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