Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
