Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
