I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
