Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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