Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize