Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
