dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
