I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
