Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
