you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
