you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
