Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
