Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize