i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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