I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He shit in the fireplace
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
