Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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