Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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