If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
