Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
