i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
