This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need to sanitize my soul.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
